May

May was the month from hell. School was madness, a dozen essays, thesis proposal and presentations all due at one brain crunching time and work...well I’m not going to say much about that.  Work is status quo – a quo I’m working very, very hard to change as soon as possible. 

I was exhausted just about every day, couldn’t sleep and everything hurt – my body, my mind.  Sometimes I felt like my soul was too full of pain and hope and anger – like I could barely put thoughts together that weren’t tinged with resentment and urgency and frustration.  I’m still finding equilibrium, still sort of staggering back to a happier space.   This course on Gender and Transformation has been...life changing.  This is no exaggeration – literally life changing.  Sometimes I feel like I put a part of myself to sleep years ago, when I realized just how hard life is – and that part of me, that dormant part of Nomonde, has just shaken awake and I’m just feeling all these things.  The conversations I’m having, the books I’m reading, the course work, all of it is tearing off the bandages I’d wrapped myself in.  I am numb no more, blind no more, but now I can no longer pretend not to see the constant injustice of the society we live in and the endless layers of oppression that mire us in ugliness.

I’m in a dark place right now – very dark.  I’ll write more lucidly about how I feel about all of this when it doesn’t feel so close, when it’s not suffocating me.

Ch-ch-ch-Changes!!

Life is becoming intensly exciting very quickly *booty dance of glee!!*  I want to go back to school.  There's so much I still want to learn and so, so much I still want to do that requires a get a great deal more schooling.  I'm going to be trying for my masters in gender studies - madly applying for scholarships as we speak, as well as further photography and photoshop classes; my sewing lessons begin very soon; having a meeting with a designer about the Fierce logo this coming weekend *squee*; and my pole dancing lessons have become a highlight of my week just because they help detangle all the ugly knots I manage to tie myself into all the time.

July was a crazy month.  I've been working on an intense project - the results of which I'll share once its been done.  I turned 28!  This year I didn't have a panic attack about it - it was a good and easy change - one that filled me with peace.  I spent it with the folks - thank God for them - gossiping and napping and eating cake.  It was very good.  I was reading a journal I've had since 2007 where I plan my life essentially.  I was reading back and I saw my 2007 plan LOL!  My main goals were : get a car, buy a camera, finish the Fierce business plan, start the Decadence business plan and loose my virginity!! ahahahaha!! I'm happy to say I achieved all but one of those goals...Decadence is still in its infancy.  Can't wait for that to take off as I am so passionate about the changes I believe it will make to South African women

In October I begin the Fierce Fatties project.  I'm breathless with excitement for this one and the results are going to be amazing.  Taking pictures of fat women is the entire reason I got into photography.  Now I'm finally going to get to take pictures of lots of them!!  Weird little note - had a dream last night  - a rabbit told me i was destined to become a matchmaker.  It was intensely clear and won't leave me alone right now LOOOOL!! I can't even get myself hooked up, how am I supposed to help other people!!

Below some highlights from the World Cup - the biggest party to hit SA's shores in FOREVER!  I had such a blast - I miss Phillip sooo much *sigh*